We found an apartment! An apartment that will take Lottie! It's kind of small, and the building is sort of ugly, but it has hardwood floors, nice light, and adorable original little kitchen that'll be just perfect for us. Our current place is just huge and carpeted (the worst!) and hard to clean and too close to Mabel's. Ashley and I are both collectors to the very core, so if we have space, we fill it. We have agreed to put the bulk of our stuff in storage for a year, and see how it feels to live without our trinkets, records, typewriters and books for a bit. I want a clean, effecient place when the baby comes. This may be a tad unrealistic for the two of us, but I'm putting my best foot forward!
The thought of having to pack and move all of our stuff is daunting. These days it's a chore for me to lift my head off the pillow each morning and get dressed. Oh, the tiredness! I can't explain it! My friends who have been through pregnancy before tell me it'll go away in the next few weeks. Please, please let it be so. I'm not even myself anymore.
I always think that if something good happens, my anxiety will lessen. It seems, in fact, that there's an amount of worry that I live with that doesn't change, regardless of the circumstances. How can that be? I thought for sure if I got the two new people trained (I have done) and found a new place, I could sleep through the night. If anything, it just seems worse. Lately I wake to any small sound - anything at all, and have a hard time going back to sleep for (sometimes) hours. I told Ashley this morning that it makes me worry that when the baby comes, I'll never sleep (I know new parents don't sleep anyway..) but that I'll remain vigilant over the baby all night long. It's so something I can imagine myself doing. I suppose it's not worth worrying (HA!) about now.
I wish that I could just relax a little sometimes. Ashley jokes that I need the TV on, a sudoku in one hand, Lottie at the other hand, and knitting on my lap before I seem to calm down. It's true, I suppose, that I need that amount of distraction to fool myself into chilling out. Mindful? Not so much. But that's something I'll work on in the next 6 months....wish me luck.
The thought of having to pack and move all of our stuff is daunting. These days it's a chore for me to lift my head off the pillow each morning and get dressed. Oh, the tiredness! I can't explain it! My friends who have been through pregnancy before tell me it'll go away in the next few weeks. Please, please let it be so. I'm not even myself anymore.
I always think that if something good happens, my anxiety will lessen. It seems, in fact, that there's an amount of worry that I live with that doesn't change, regardless of the circumstances. How can that be? I thought for sure if I got the two new people trained (I have done) and found a new place, I could sleep through the night. If anything, it just seems worse. Lately I wake to any small sound - anything at all, and have a hard time going back to sleep for (sometimes) hours. I told Ashley this morning that it makes me worry that when the baby comes, I'll never sleep (I know new parents don't sleep anyway..) but that I'll remain vigilant over the baby all night long. It's so something I can imagine myself doing. I suppose it's not worth worrying (HA!) about now.
I wish that I could just relax a little sometimes. Ashley jokes that I need the TV on, a sudoku in one hand, Lottie at the other hand, and knitting on my lap before I seem to calm down. It's true, I suppose, that I need that amount of distraction to fool myself into chilling out. Mindful? Not so much. But that's something I'll work on in the next 6 months....wish me luck.
posted by Caitlin @ 9/12/2006 01:10:00 PM
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